Stretched
Posted by Rob Kistner | Filed under Poetry, Spoken Word
This is my second post for Poetry Thursday, May 17, 2007. This post contains a written version of the poem and an alternate “spoken word” version.
Author’s note: This is an ode to bicycling shorts, worn by the wrong folks… 
Stretched
•
It’s amazing what spandex can bind,
no matter how huge the behind,
they mash it in, they jam it in,
they altogether cram it in,
it’s enough to make you want to go blind!
They stuff in the belly – like a balloon full of jelly,
it’ll drive you right out of your mind!
Then off they do waddle,
thinkin’ they look like some model,
they wobble, they wiggle,
they all over jiggle,
these are world-class oversized loads.
It’s time to sound an alert,
cause someone’s gonna get hurt,
when finally their spandex explodes!
…
To hear poem read by author, click here
Rob Kistner © 2007
May 18th, 2007 at 12:24 am
This has a nice lyrical flow. I can image you performing this on stage. The images conjured are very vivid and real as I often see such sights everywhere.
May 18th, 2007 at 12:47 am
This one, too! These are the kinds of poems that demand to be read aloud. Vaguely similar to Michael Rosen’s type of poems. He writes about computer beeps in sleep and Polly polypropylene. Kids’ poems but not underestimating what they think is funny. . . Got to read it aloud when the husband leave for work (he thinks I’m crazy as it is).
May 18th, 2007 at 5:30 am
I really like this one. Made me chuckle with its imagery - I’m a visual learner so this one will give me memories of “budgie smugglers” for days afterwards…
May 18th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Clay -
Thank you!
You’re right, this one would be a blast to do aloud as a spoken piece. “Stretched”, live, on stage, me in bike shorts — now that would really have impact!
May 18th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Ren -
Thanks! Glad you liked as well…
Yes, Clay Lowe and I, and now with your much appreciated support, have decided this needs to be done live. I’m thinking a video piece on Image & Verse, read by me in bike shorts — for the appropriate visual impact.
I would do it, except I believe there might be a legal backlash. It would certainly break some kind of a law regarding decency, or obscenity, or something or the other… because me in bike shorts would most definitely be — obscene!
May 18th, 2007 at 7:40 am
Blondie -
Thank you! I am very pleased you liked it.
Watch out for those “budgie smugglers”, and the spandex explosions!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:48 am
This just brings up images I really don’t want to think about! Fun poem!
May 18th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Juliet -
Thanks! Ain’t it a sight…
May 18th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I love the image of the spandex exploding.
Run for the hills!
May 18th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Clare -
The “fall out” would be devastating!
May 19th, 2007 at 4:52 am
This is great! It conjured a very wide smile.
Wonderful!
May 19th, 2007 at 4:57 am
Beaman -
I am glad you enjoyed this playful little romp about big rumps — I was smiling writing it!
May 24th, 2007 at 9:40 am
You have more guts than I to write this. I laughed, and I loved hearing that laugh in your voice as you read it!
May 24th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Marcia -
This piece was fun to write, and to read.
It is a loving work of humor. I laughed reading it because I suddenly got a mental flash of myself in bike shorts — not a sight for the timid…
May 28th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I bet I’ll still be chuckling over this long after I’ve read it. ^_^ Oh, and listened to it! I laughed out louder when I heard you read the part: “these are world-class oversized loads.” *grin*
May 28th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
Soulless -
Glad you liked! You see them everywhere, bless their poor misguided souls…