To Fly

the bad binding
had me distracted

I just knew
the team equipment guy
lied

I was all on edge
i jumped the gate
disqualified

and to compound the misery
on the second lunge
the fucking binding broke

disqualified
and face first in the snow

the sonofabitch did lie
it wasn’t fixed
and the fall broke my ankle

that fool liers gone
and this is a new season
this is my season
I’m back

been working my ass off
I am ready
time to reclaim my career

no turning back
no room for doubt

no fear

no mistakes

years of preparation
conditioning
practice
sacrifice

years of believing

the past is passed
my dream is now
this one moment in time

winds
whistle in my headgear

I step off the tram
stride to the starting gate

snow crunchs
crisp and fresh underfoot

skis
waxed to perfection
thrown over my right shoulder

poles
gripped in my left hand

I vibrate

nerves
raw energy
pure adrenalin

I make the short walk
to the prep bench

I reflect

over 90 miles per hour
for 90 seconds
airborne
down the mountain
like a rocket
freefalling
at the edge of control
the edge of disaster

!EUPHORIA!

“I can do this!”

deep in focus
I visualize

repeating
over and over

tight tuck
knees flexed
eyes down the mountain
fearless
flyin’!

I sit
tighten my boots
affix my skis
checking twice
and again

I hear chatter

coaches
and officials

my competitors
self-talking
mantra-like

the clamor of the crowds
rolls down the mountain

gathers dense
at the bottom

the finish line

where the dream awaits

gradually
I tune out the din
to a buzz

now a quiet hum

finally
silence

I’m dialed in
locked
into my personal space

vivid concentration
intensely present
in sync

in my zone

coach
leads me to the gate
chanting
new day – new day
new day – to fly!

race officials
queue me up

this is my time
my destiny
my redemption
I am ready!

poised to start
I make
then re-make the run
in my mind

the one I’ve made so many times
in practice

I imagine the gate fly open
see myself push off

a mighty thrust
into the steep
first drop

I envision myself
accelerating fiercely
into the first turn

building a torrid pace

knifing
down the mountain

as if an apparition
a vapor
a blur

gone! 90/90!

alone in the gate
I snap to the present
acutely aware

the mountain
stretches below me
crystalline white
falling
twisting
down
down

this is it
my dance with fate

I am ready
so ready

ready to roar
down the icy slope
blassst!!
across the finish line

…ready to fly!

starting tone begins to pulse

my mind
links in cadence

my body
feels the rhythm

vision sharp
senses keen

surroundings
vibrant!

time
folds into slow motion
honing
to the long-awaited instant

the critical split-second

my legs
are wound springs

arms and shoulders
powerful pistons

my heart
a thunderous locomotive

suddenly
the gate swings away

my coach roars

I explode…