cand he opened his mouth
to call her name
but only dust escaped
and broken dreams
for he was a spoiled promise
from long ago
left too long
on silent lips
he tried raising a hand
to gesture a wave
but he was stone
lifeles
rigid
cold
so he could not
and she did not hear him
and she did not see him
for he was a faded memory
already vanished
rob kistner © 2019
Meet the bar – Metaphorically speaking
Nice descriptive metaphor: “he was a spoiled promise”
Thank you Frank. Time and apathy introduces spoilage. A sad fact.
Excellent use of metaphor, Rob!
Thank you Ken!
Heart breaking, these regrets that wash away in the tears but return to us again and again…
Too bad love isn’t always as permanent as regret Lisa.
Well done! Very sad.
Thank you Toni.
for he was a spoiled promise
from long ago
left too long
on silent lips
What great lines. How soon we take things for granted and forget to say, “I love YOU!
And sometimes Dwight, after it’s too late – after the spoilage.
I really like that part of the being ta spoiled promise and being a stone. The past has vanished like dust.
I am pleased this resonated for you Grace.
powerful conveying of so many sad endings
So very very sad when, what was once a passionate interwoven togetherness, ends in fading silence — when there isn’t even passion enough to fight, and nothing left to say. Too many ultimately dissolve this way Kate.
Such a sad way to say goodbye, with only dust and broken dreams, Rob. I love the lines:
‘…he was a spoiled promise
from long ago
left too long
on silent lips’.
It is truly heartbreaking Kim. Where once burned a lover’s fire, now only ash — long ago gone cold.
I reckon it was just not meant to be, Rob.
There are some nicely played metaphors in this piece: stone cold and rigid, in particular.
Thank you Misky.
right in the feels
Thank you Xan.
It’s so amazing how someone can mean so much to you, and then through a series of events, nothing. The love disappears. Excellent Rob.
Thank you Linda. When the feeling of anger or upset becomes the feeling of nothing, it is truly over
Ugh – This is heart wrenching I can feel the deep sadness. Vanished in the coldness of what will never be again. I think I know this feeling.
The feeling is paralyzing emptiness True.
Glad to see you are still writing Rob, hope you are well….effortless feel to this one…I like in particular “only dust escaped”
Thank you Jim, the injection has me able to see until I assume something more permanent can be done.
I love this… somehow I feel that you describe a parting that actually have already happened…
Thank you Björn.
Too far gone to be revived…your metaphor captures the reality.
Thank you Lynn… 🙂