As you read this Christmas poem, with its taste of bittersweetness, see it not in a dark light — embrace it as a tale of a long-awaited journey, to be with the one beloved.
B rushed my shoulder on this morning’s train
then while in line to get my breakfast tea
at the market it was there again
from our favorite table it beckoned me
in the crowd at the festive mall
glimpsed like a flicker of candle light
I swear I saw it fleeting fall
upon the gifts I did not wrap this night
upon the tree I did not decorate
the greeting cards I did not write
in frail voice I chastise fate
singing carols doesn’t feel right
I see it there in every aisle
the shadow of your love
elusive as a shopper’s smile
caught up in the crush and shove
it returns this night each year
the same night you went away
in dreams you kiss away each tear
touch my lips that beg you stay
but this year I’ll not awaken blue
in the end an easy thing to do
I’ll make our lover’s dreams come true
this midnight deep I come to you
T he landscape
losing its gild
mottles
in gunmetal grays
long gone greens
bare blacked sterling
nothing for the eye to swoon
nor in which
the soul to find solace
the poet’s words of warning
had fallen for years
on deaf ears
now nothing
to inspire grand verse
just barren rolling regret
stripped of lush mystery
color drained
jagged n’poisonous
fractured storm clouds
laced with the toxins
of human excess
and lethal impatience
churn ominously
in huddling menace
brightened breezes
that in the once-time
sizzled in the aspens
rolled the conifers
in velvet undulation
rattled the oaken forests
build and bulge
buffeted into angry fronts
seethingly murderous
faced with nothing
to stem the rage
nor to buffer
or discourage
the thrashing fury
howl and growl
into brittling winds
strafing gales
razing tempests
hollowed trunks
like spindled husks
ripped mercilessly from the earth
this world
that’s tumbling towards nothingness
is parched dust-blown emptiness
achingly void
my heart
shudders for the deep chill
of shadow
mourning eden’s devastation
scorching sun
pierces the dirt-broiling stir
that bites and stings
stumbling along dry cracked terrain
blurring watery eyes
chafing coarsen’d skin
that scalds and blisters
would that it rain
drown the lands
that I might
turn my face to the sky
flood my wooden mouth
charred by hunger
with drenching waters
of suspended thirst
to douse the cruel fire
of my spirit
that longs for
the whisper of winds
in canopies high above
now long forgotten
longs for the plush
of a high-mountain meadow
now scattered in tumbling debris
crying in cruel winds
never
never will it happen
ignorant words
which should never have been spoken
our covenant with nature
was badly broken
much too late
we realized the arrogance
of belief
that lacked intention
of assumption
that lacked conviction
* 25 musical artists whose song titles and/or lyrics featured in this poem
~
Counting Crows
Queen
The Moody Blues
Muddy Waters
Bill Monroe
Merle Haggard
Billie Holiday
Idina Menzel
Sting
Metallica
Moby
Ariana Grande
Joni Mitchell
Paul McCartney
John Lennon
Manhattan Transfer
Donald Fagan
Hans Zimmer
Greg Lake
Toys Chorus
Katy Perry
James Taylor
Wendy & Lisa
Seal
Elvis
Half full — your attitude resonates, ringing reverberant in my melancholy. Half empty has always been my perspective. Finding safety in my hollow, reluctant solitude. Seeing the world refracted through my somber pessimism. An abandoned dream can no longer disappoint. A shattered heart can no longer break. There is nothing to lose, for one who is without. Pain avoided by deflection.
But were your love to flood my isolation, to drown me in passion, I might gladly risk it all once more. Swimming up naively to the light, to the warmth — breaching the surface, buoyant with bliss, drenched with desire. To reach above water, in the throes of ecstasy, to encircle your gentle face in a lover’s trembling hands. To breath out of water again, drawing love’s rejuvenating breath.
But no! In the tender gray, I swim undisturbed, below the surface — in secluded, sorrowful safety.
