“There is someone in my head — but its not me…”
Original DDE™ surrealistic art: “Sea Of Loss” by: rob kistner © 11/14/23
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I can’t stop the questions
wandering through my mind—
the walls somehow hear
the walls are unkind—
exposing my thoughts.
revealing my secrets
taunting my fear
I move carefully now
as if the floor might remember
where I stepped yesterday—
I’m moving slowly
dreading exposure
small things feel rehearsed—
the way the kettle clicks off
how the fridge kicks on
the ticking of my watch
the way your message ended
abruptly—
no closure
at night I lie still
not sleeping
not thinking
just waiting—
waiting for the moment
something almost happens
…it never does
that is the worst part
the air grows heavier
harder to breath
each empty day
time ticking away—
no consequences
I no longer seek answers
…I measure pressure
…I measure delay
…I measure the distance
between my heartbeat—
and the next
I have begun to distrust
the ordinary
light falls across the table
too precisely
the refrigerator hum stops
just as I listen for it—
the stop feels purposeful…
but only momentary
I leave drawers open slightly
just to see
if they close themselves
nothing moves—
that unnerves me
this stillness feels arranged—
like furniture
set for a guest
who has not arrived
in my unraveling mind
I postulate explanations
I do not believe—
tracking the silence
as it widens…
deepens
deceives
even my mirrored reflection
seems delayed—
a fraction of a second
behind real time…
and what it returns
is not mine
I do not seek discovery
I attend
to the tension
that is gripping me
something is near—
not touching…
not speaking…
only stealing the air
in increments
too small to prove
I examine everything—
tremors in my hand
dust in the window-light
distant sounds—
patterns bloom
where they can’t be
I turn
gazing out
into the night sky
mentally drawing lines
between unconnected stars
until the sky feels crowded—
dangerous…
threatening
I tell myself to rest
knowing even in stillness
my mind keeps pacing
thoughts keep racing
my eyes keep scanning—
scanning the walls
for a hidden seam…
a gaw-damned door
outta this bad dream
then I hear it
in my head
a muffled wail
a silent scream
something is there
I feel it—
feel it watching me…
then I realize—
its watching
with my eyes
<~>
rob kistner © 2/12/26