Author’s note: “Remembering Allen” is free verse poetry that reflects the lives of the individuals featured herein, and their impact on mine. Born in ‘47, I was just at the final fringe of beats, but once I discovered them, they influenced my song lyrics and poetry since I was 14-years-old. The characters in this piece are, in order of appearance, Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, Neal Cassady, Timothy Leary, and Ken Kesey. This work neither condones nor condemns anything, and intends no value judgments.
(for Allen Ginsberg, upon the 10th anniversary of his passing)
____________________
Oh I was there!
You and Jack – suckling life’s sweet underbelly,
in the quaking nocturnal neon zoo.
Me – in my plastic-handled-Roy-Rogers-two-gun glory –
running fast as I could to catch the bad guys.
Racing to outdistance the abandonment, the alienation,
that already knew me by my first name –
altogether too damned familiar.
Oh I was there –
separated only by time and space,
the chronological happenstance of conception.
You and Jack and Neal – groin deep in human wallow,
swilling full the brain-drug flesh festival,
spewing forth to fill, in latter years, my fertile ears
with the siren song of sacred dissatisfaction.
Your fingers burned from dancing with the fire-whores of
truth, angst, and indignation.
Me – swollen with the sting of banishment, taunted,
the outcast bastard – unaccepted by my peers.
Frightened child fleeing to a world within,
yet vibrating with virgin vision –
naive imagination – foolhardy faith,
that somewhere, someday, something must be better.
Oh I was there, though none yet aware – but there I was!
Coming over that hallowed hill of pubescent predilection,
fast and hard as holy hell – cresting and crashing in,
just as night fell on Bohemia –
the streets now new ablaze in a black-light
strobe-light, tie-dyed lightshow!
I was on the road, I was on the bus, I was on my way –
howling mad, and mind-expanded!
I came in a rolling demon’s fire,
lighting the night, dancing with every devil I could find.
Ranting and raving and blazing.
A combusting carnal fireball – roaring –
hormoned-hungry for all of life’s deliciousness.
Ferocious appetite, lusting and longing to consume
every forbidden morsel and crumb –
to gorge the smorgasborgadelic mindfeast
succulently set by Neal, Jack, you, Tim, and Ken.
Man – I was there!
Thundering in your shadows, warmed by your light,
though just beyond,
though just beyond.
Each light burned so brightly, then each burned out,
all flames are gone.
I remember, Allen.
All you crazy blessed bastards — I remember,
you marvelous magic maniacs!
Madder men than you the world will not soon see.
But you’ve departed — there’s only me.
…
rob kistner © 3/27/07