the hands of chilling grief extend
your forever knocks at the door
losing you I can’t comprehend
I’m drowning in my bitter tears
I am consumed by my worst fears
my soul is broken evermore
as my life’s meaning disappears
barter and pleading stain my lips
slip through my clutching fingertips
scatter useless across the floor
as far beyond your frail life slips
I’m shattered to my very core
it is for mercy I implore
let me delay that open door
to kiss your tender lips once more
I wanted there to be believable grief and sorrow, and bargaining – everything that would be a normal part of a deep love relationship when one of the partners departs this earth. At the same time, in the midst of grief, I wanted tenderness. He is distraught, but madly in love still – as he has been for years. This not an easy good bye. I chose the image of the dying rose, because even in its death it holds firmly to that which made it beautiful in life. Just as he tries to hold on to what was beautiful in their relationship. Bitter-sweet!
This poem is 8 syllables per line, exnctly the same as Robert Frost’s “Stopping By A Woods On A Snowy Evening”. The rhyme pattern to my piece here is: AABA CCBC DDBD BBBB
Click here to read my “light filled” rubaiyat
Click here to read a variation of this rubaiyat
it is painful to read your poem as i feel you pouring your heart out. difficult to talk about structure right now will revisit later.
Hi Jade – The pain is perhaps a metaphor for what I feel right now – not certain? Personally, I followed the essentially exact rhyme pattern, and the precisely exact syllable-per-line structure (8 sylabels per line) that Robt Frost used in his “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening”. I went dark, Robt went light.
Your Rubaiyat is full of sorrow, Rob. I felt the pain.
I guess it is painful Kim, but how could it not be? I was trying to realistically replicate how the male in a deep love duo may feel upon losing essentially his “other half”. Profound grief would abound!
Superb form and content. You accomplished the deep loss and love. Hard to read, though — those poems of deep lost love
Thank you for you gracious words Sabio! I am pleased this worked for you.
This reads full of pain, sorrow yet filled with love at the eventual parting.
I am glad both sides of the love resonated for you Grace…
Tender grief, felt and tasted. Beautifully written.
Thank you very much Mary!
Incredible descent into soul darkness, brother. Your use of the form was impeccable–Frost’s 8 syllable lines, 3 quatrains at AABA , and the 4th at AAAA. We both made the same choices. Your ability to peel back the skin of emotion, and delve into the tissue zone s very apparent here. Your Love poems have always been excellent; ditto for lost love.
Thank you Glenn! You humble this old man with your gracious. Love your comments dude! 😉 I think perhaps because I did not have the experience of love in my early childhood, that my imagined essence of love is magnified for me.
I like the final stanza’s use of AAAA rhyme to end the poem and especially the concluding two lines.
Thank you Frank! I loved the way Frost’s “Stopping By…” ended with the final four rhymed lines, so it inspired me to go for it. I reached a little further and brought each of my third lines to also rhyme the final four.
I read both and they are great! Your flow is smooth as silk. I love the romance and tenderness shown throughout!
Thank you Dwight! Thought it would be fun to look at love from two perspectives, the growing love, and the losing of one’s love – the light and the dark, yin and yang.
You succeeded in all your goals, Rob – the anger, the bargaining, and the deep sorrow all come through. A beautiful and touching piece.
Thank you VJ! I invite you to come read my “Morning Magic”, it’s love filled with light.
Beautiful words. You captured the grief, sorrow and love so nicely. My heart went out to you as I read the poem.
Thank you Astrid! This was a situation poetically imagined of losing a soul mate, but it was informed by my having expereienced the tragic death of a loved one.
I tried several times to leave a comment yesterday but to no avail!
Must have been a glitch at my end.
Your ending line really got to me.
I thought it had happened to you.
Hi Kathy. I have had no other reports of problems leaving comments. The final line I conceived to be an emtional tug, so I am pleased it resonated for you. No, as I commented to Astrid, it is fictional poetry. However, it is informed by my having expereienced the tragic death of a loved one. My 18-year-old son killed on a summer job, the year before he entered college. I understand abject grief, intimately.
You took me there. Nothing quite like the pain you describe so beautifully.
Thank you Susan!
It’s beautifully structured – they both are! This looks like a natural fit for you in terms of form. Two sides of love, a very nice pairing.
Thank you SM, very much. I appreciate your gracious words.
The outpouring of grief here – we all know it in one form or another, but reading it stated so naked was a blow. Well done in staying within the form though.
Thank you for your gracious comment Petru… 🙂
Rob, the grief and sorrow here is palpable. This is heartbreaking but oh so lovely.
Thank you Linda. I drew on the remembered grief of losing my 18-year-old son.
The dying rose is a beautiful metaphor for losing a cherished loved one. The fragility in the process…..but the remaining love. The withered frame that is still the person we crave to nourish and bring back to full beauty….but life escapes. And we treasure our memories.
Thank you Lillian. I have not lost a wife, but I have lost family members. The deepest grief I ever felt was tragically losing my 18-year-old son to a recklace driver, the summer before his freshman year in college.
I cannot imagine that type of loss of a loved one… I have seen it, but it’s so hard to imagine. I think there comes a point in time when you reach a point when you can live on the sweet memories but at first I imagine more a desperate sorrow.
Never lost a wife Bjorn, but I lost my 18-year-old son Aaron. He was working a summer job, getting ready to go to college for his freshman year. Killed by a recklace driver. It was intense grief, and the horror of losing a child. It’s a perversion of the natural way for a child to go first. I still vividly remember the two years of initial grief. I lost 25 lbs. and had a heart attack. I now have only sweet loving memories of my Aaron.
from someone who has known the grief of losing father, husband and child in just a few short years of each other i have read so many poems and words on grief but I am deeply in love with this poem, you treat grief with tenderness, with respect and nobility, if there is a poll, i’d pick this one above all else, you used the rubaiyat to perfection.
Thank you Gina. I never lost a spouse, but I lost my 18-year-old son the summer before his freshman year in college. He was working a summer job. Drove to get lunch, and was killed by a reckless driver. It was drawing on the still vivid memory of that grief that steered my writing of this poem. I am so sorry for your circumstances that made this poem resonate for you so strongly. Hope it might be a catharsis of some degree for you.
thank you for you sharing, my Joshua was 20 when a tragic accident took him away from me. Losing my dad and spouse was hard but it was their time, my boy’s was not. Yes your words fill some of the cracks. thank you again
My heart goes out to you Gina, and most especially on the loss of your Joshua.
The image of the rose was conveyed throughout this whole darkly sad poem. The sentiments feel real, and the form is perfect.
Thank you Sara! The sentiments, though not from the loss of a wife, are genuine. They remain in my memory from the tragic loss of my 18-year-old son.
I like this Rob, particularly the last stanza when you break the rhyming pattern. I think these rhyming forms with their structured rhyming pattern can sometimes be too easy on the ear. Beautiful poem!
Thank you Jim! I have the same frustration with meter and rhyme. It is not how I think or speak in real time, so while it can be light fun to write and read – it is not where my heart lives. I am free verse by nature. I really enjoy the minimal nature of haiku and tanka. A perfectly crafted one of either is a true joy to read, and a rush to write!
Intense emotion enhanced by the formal structure.
I appreciate your visiting, reading, and commenting Rosemary – thank you…
Stunning. The agony and despair is palpable. It would be hard to find the words to describe the extreme loss, but somehow you did just that.
Thank you Mish I have a weakness for writing sad poems. Also like to write SciFi and gothic poetry, as well as happy love poems. I am glad this resonated for you.
The context and emotion were so powerful that I lost myself in the perfection of your Rubaiyat. Thank you.
What a gracious compliment Ava, thank you!
I looks like I never left a comment on this version, Rob. Sorry! I am SO behind on reading these.
There is such grief here, and the rhyme and rhythm carries the reader along on it to the finish.
I read in the comments about your son. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child, especially so unexpectedly.
The loss of my son was long enough ago that most memories of Aaron are warm and wonderful Merril. But there are still times the grief floods in.
Much heartfelt depth here. Well done.
Thank you Ken!