Seabed Sway

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Seabed Sway

(- SORROW -)

~

beauty walks to the sea by her home
on this broken cloudy day
slips into the sea alone
silently she swims away

on this broken cloudy day
alone with her fractured wishes
silently she swims away
deep down with the fishes

alone with her fractured wishes
a’swim in the seabed’s sway
deep down with the fishes
she is leaving it all today

a’swim in the seabed’s sway
with nothing more left to say
she is leaving it all today
the sea carries her spirit away

~ ~ ~
________________________

(- HAPPINESS -)

~

she walks to the sea by her home
on this bright and sunny day
slips into the sea alone
joyfully she swims away

on this bright and sunny day
with her heart awash in wishes
joyfully she swims away
down with the colorful fishes

with her heart awash in wishes
a’swim in the seabed’s sway
down with the colorful fishes
she is filled with love today

a’swim in the seabed’s sway
neptune’s beauty on bold display
she is filled with love today
letting her dreams carry her away

~ ~ ~

rob kistner © 2019

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1EC4655A-8EF6-463F-AEB1-A99B1F43E062

 

Links to my other 3 Pantoums:
1.) Pantoumadness
2.) Flame Of Learning
3.) Lady Blue

 

  • Click below to read more Pantoums at dVerse:
    https://dversepoets.com/2019/02/28/18102/
  • 24 thoughts on “Seabed Sway”

    1. I’m glad you put them that way round! I think they flow beautifully, both of them. I like the contrast – the same event seen through a different emotional prism. It reminded me a bit of an exercise I’ve seen with film music where they show the same scene with different background music.

      The structure is lovely, it’s very graceful. I read your comment on the dVerse post saying you were worried it would seem forced, but I think you nailed it.

      1. Thank you Sarah! I finally caught the rhythm of the form by employing the shorter lines, and it flowed quite comfortably. So I will be magnanimous and admit I enjoyed this write, and undervalued the pantoum form! 🙂 Yes, I felt leading with the sorrowful version was best. The joyful verson revealed itself to me gradually in the process of writing the darker one. I appreciate your gracious comment here Sarah…!

    2. absolutely stunning, the use of repeated words throughout the pantoum reflects your sensitivity to words and how they can coax a heartfelt response. i see a mirror image of the two the way you have written this. the dark cloudy day reflected in the ocean’s twinkling surface, the depth of one increasing the expanse of the other. there is a mystical realism to this pantoum you have crafted, some hidden meanings and thoughts running ever so delicately, me the reader wants to know more, like the depths of the ocean, her secrets no one will really know. well done Rob on all levels!

      1. Wow, thank you Gina! I am humbled by your gracious reaction to these two pantoums. They are the 3rd and 4th ones I’ve written in my 50+ years of writing. These have released me from that strong mental block I had harbored for many years. As I shared with Sarah, as I was writing the sorrowful version the joyful version kept shining through. That this happened was very surprising to me, and it shifted my long-held attitude about the form. So thank you again for proposing the pantoum. Thank you again as well for your generous compliment! 🙂

    3. I like the mirrored nature of both poems. It reminds me of how nature can play tricks on us as our eyes are fooled by the reflective and refractive nature of large bodies of water. Great imagery throughout.

    4. The first one was so sad, it makes the second one all the brighter. A good reminder that any situation can be used for positive or negative.

    5. I apologize for the delay in getting to this. I’m SO behind on reading everything (and my own writing). 🙂
      As others have said, the order of sorrow and then happiness really works, and I like how you take the same opening lines to come up with two different scenes. Very nice flow to these, too.

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