Token
the words you’ve spoken
have left my heart broken
you say you regret it
ask me to forget it
I feel your apology token
you swear you love me
place no one above me
how can that be true
when you say what you do
leaving less and less of me
Now in tradtional iambic…
the words that you have just spoken
have left my tender heart broken
you say that now you regret it
ask me to please just forget it
but your apology’s token
you swear to the stars you love me
that you place no one above me
but how can that really be true
when you say the things that you do
words that leave less and less of me
~ ~ ~
rob kistner © 2018
Today’s dVerse prompt, from Grace, asks that we compose a Quintain. In Spanish they’re called Quintilla. I have stacked two Quintillas here, referred to in Spanish, as a Copla Real. Click below to see more at dVerse.
oh the sadness and the feeling of betrayal in this piece. so vivid!
Thank you for your kind words, I am pleased this piece touched you RW…
I particularly liked the first stanza. Token is a good rhyme.
Glad it worked for you Jane…
Sometimes communication between two people is difficult.
There is so much inherent truth in the expression, “familiarity breeds contempt”. It is essential to be mindful in our relationship Frank… not always easy…
Well done! I enjoyed this and liked how you wrote 2 versions of it.
Thank you RW. I had written the 2nd one first to meet the promp. However, I edited it down to the first version I have posted, which is clearly my preference. I am glad you enjoyed both… 🙂
I think forgiveness isn’t really possible sometimes.
Betrayal always takes too much away.
Loved both versions.
Thank you Bjorn! I wrote two different concluding lines. The first was based upon “…carve more and more of me”, which indicated the tearing away of the person’s confidence and dignity through repeated verbal abuse. But I opted for the “leave less and less” perspective because I felt it better addressed the belittling, the diminishing perspective of verbal abuse – the “hidden”, the “concealed” damage that verbal abuse creates / no visible scars for others to see. I felt the “leave less and less” angle spoke more the the insideous nature of this type abuse.
Those words said in anger can cut deeply, no matter that the apolology is given as a token. So hurtful when the heart is thoughtless of the other.
Disparaging remarks cannot be unsaid. Once that type of remark is heard, no matter how much apology, that hurt is forjever logged in the psyche. We may forgive Grace, and we may suppress, but the simplest thing that again tweeks that accute chord of hurt, and the resentment finds its way quickly to the surface. We never truly forget deep psin.Cruel remarks are so much better left unsaid, no matter how difficult to do so in the moment – because nothing can be unheard.
Unique way you’ve done this! Love the juxtaposition; well written, Rob.
Thank you Jilly… 🙂 The 2nd version satisfies the prompt. The first version is my preferred edit…
I like th ending, the idea that we are lessened by betrayal.
Thank you Sarah, I am pleased you like my conclusion that we are lessened by abuse and betrayal.
I like both versions…token love exposed.
Thank you Lynn… 🙂
I like what you’ve done here, Rob, especially the traditional iambic version. 😉
Thank you Kim…:-)
I like both versions. They seem like songs to me.
Words can definitely hurt, and once said, it’s hard to forget them.
Thank you Merril, I am pleased you liked both… 🙂
I love both versions of this. Betrayal cuts deep.
I’m pleased Barry, thank you… 🙂