Tag: courage

This Night

As you read this Christmas poem, with its taste of bittersweetness, see it not in a dark light — embrace it as a tale of a long-awaited journey, to be with the one beloved.


digital collage entitled: “Christmas Tear” – by: rob kistner © 2011

 

B rushed my shoulder on this morning’s train
then at the market it was there again
while in line to get my breakfast tea
from our favorite table it beckoned me

in the crowd at the festive mall
glimpsed like a flicker of candle light
I swear I saw it fleeting fall
upon the gifts I did not wrap this night

upon the tree I did not decorate
the greeting cards I did not write
in frail voice I chastise fate
singing carols doesn’t feel right

this season I see it everywhere
the shadow of your love
elusive as a shopper’s smile
caught up in the crush and shove

but soon I’ll catch and hold it close
warmly to my breast
it will sweetly fill my heart
lay soft with me this midnight rest

for it returns this night each year
the same night you went away
in dreams you kiss away each tear
touch my lips that beg you stay

taken from my life in sleep
gone without a last goodbye
as we dreamed at midnight deep
each year I weep and wonder why

but this year I’ll not awaken blue
in the end an easy thing to do
this night I’ll make our dreams come true
this midnight deep I will come to you

*
rob kistner © 2011
update by rob kistner © 2021

Poetry at: dVerse

This poem originally posted 2011: at Magpie Tales

Fire Mark

This is a long-form, free verse poem, contemplating the post-apocalyptic ‘last person on earth’ theme, the “omega man” concept. This is a sobering take on the end of the world. It is also a love story, love lost that is.”

 

Fire Mark

~

I remember when it happened
remember well
the all-defining fire mark in time
that forever divided then from now

comfortably alone
walking up along the forested valley
that is our property line at the back
my eyes drifting up the azure waters
of the clear mountain stream
that rolled towards me crisp and pure

at the instant of the startling sound
the strange light
I cast my eyes to the very tops of the Douglas Firs

they stand proud at the river’s edge
sentries for centuries
protecting this northern boundary of our lands
steady and enduring
yet always supple in the winds that waft and quicken
whispering the breath of life
into this pristine realm

then came the second blinding flash
lighting the entire sky

tears glistened
the damned fools had finally done it

two years on now since that ominous event
but I never can forget the bone chill
that penetrating feeling

in those moments I knew
the cities were vaporized
I was isolated
alone
but how alone

too long now
since I have shared this vast beauty
with another’s eyes
with her eyes
with any eyes
or found my voice to exclaim its wonders

yet I still ramble the valley
wade the stream
given to an ever-rolling mumble
jabbering quietly to no one in particular
at the ragged edge of coherence
clinging to the chance
I might be rewarded with a response
her response
any response

but she had gone to the ciy
so only comes the murmur of the constant stream
carried on the season’s breezes

I have held my mind in good humor
bound by the glory of this land I wander
tethered to the waning hope
that she is not gone
that they all can’t possibly be gone
a hope buoyed by the majesty of these forests
that climb their way skyward
with the patience and persistence of the ages

but each day
a horrifying realization
grows in my mind
suffocating my soul

they are gone
every ~ last ~ one
gone

can I last
have I that patience
how long can I hold center
when comes my personal fire mark
my sunset

how long until my fragile psyche unravels
scrambling in lonely panic
seeking human contact

tonight I will sit alone again
in my room
in the soft light of the fire
the only light and warmth possible
since that fateful point in time
when the world’s infrastructure
collapsed

alone
month after month
in the smothering silence
in the maddening quiet
of this voiceless world
in which nowhere can be found
her eyes
any eyes

in which
never again will I hear
a simple

”hello”

~ ~ ~

rob kistner © 8/17/12
revised © 5/18/19

 

35C6DAEF-40AA-452C-885C-C373E1DE84F6
Hi! I’m Edgrrr, rob’s shih tzu.

Clarion Stones

  • revised for Lillian at dVerse Poet’s Pub


     
    Clarion Stones

    ~

    all those years ago
    in the time of dangers
    they were placed in secret
    as a silent beacon
    in that deepest night

    waiting for the day
    when the shadowed world
    would waken from the nightmare
    shed its narrow petty ways
    and embrace the way of light

    stacked by those of vision
    blessed in hope and courage
    one upon the other
    like knowledge upon learning
    these standing stones of peace

    hear them call across the ages
    and beckon us to rise
    to step into the future
    to envision a new dream
    to let fear and hatred cease

    ~ ~ ~

    rob kistner © 2010
    (revision © 1/22/19)


    67F4B295-9233-407D-934F-9CA3C5A2B3F5
    stacked stones in Sedona red-rock desert

    _______________________

    These sculptures are called cairns. A cairn is a human-made balanced stack of stones. The word cairn comes from the Scottish Gaelic: càrn. Cairns have been, and still are used for a broad variety of purposes, from prehistoric times to the present. They are stacked as landmarks, direction finders, memorials, and also spiritual reasons, among other purposes.

  • Check out more shedding at dVerse:
    Shed some light on this today!

    • Hope

  • For society to have a real chance we need quality education!

    IMG_8584

     
    Last Hope

    ~

    I lift myself quietly
    very quietly
    from beneath the sheets
    soiled with neglect
    soaked with my nightmares

    I am again awake
    from another dark night
    that began with fear
    fear I might not survive
    and ends in sorrow
    realizing I did

    I rise
    make my way carefully
    past the shallow-breathed crumple
    that lay milky-eyed
    in a heap on the floor
    un-moving
    save a twitch of the head

    a head which now harbors demons
    where nocturnal angels of sweet release
    had lain down lush upon it
    in fevered embrace
    lustfully conjured
    by last night’s spoon and lance
    still skewered silver in the soured vein

    this wreckage is my mother

    I stop but for a glance
    verifying life
    then move on head down
    angle to the bathroom
    to the scum-brown bowl
    to wash my face
    lit sallow by the yellowed bulb
    that hangs bare and lonely

    strange eyes
    hold me in the mirror
    broken as my heart

    eyes of knowing
    eyes of sadness

    grief courses through me
    weighing upon my being
    burning into my heart

    I want to cry out
    but there is no one here to hear me
    no hero that can help me

    driven by instinct to survive
    by urgency to flee
    I shudder away the paralyzing despair

    in this dank food-less morning
    in this ruined single room
    in this coat-less chill of predawn
    I gather up my books
    step lightly through the door
    down the damaged stairs
    into the hostile streets
    heavy with this childhood of strangled dreams

    I duck and dodge
    in and out of shadows
    praying to once again avoid the evil
    that lurks and slinks
    among the garbage and graffiti
    of these crumbled bricken’d canyons

    that rolls slow and lethal
    gripping cold blue steel
    in predatory drive-by

    evil
    seductive as a smile
    deadly as a snake

    evil
    which if diligence should fail
    I fear will consume my soul

    deliberately I continue
    until at last I find my way
    to the building
    to the classroom
    to my teacher
    to my desk

    to the only hope
    to which I dare cling

    ~ ~ ~

    rob kistner © 2011
    (revision © 2019)

    ___________________________

    Click to learn more about toad’s social awareness

    • Daredevil’s Dread

     

    Daredevil’s Dread

    ~

    to be shot from a cannon
    into the cool night air
    is really no big deal

    to face a barrage
    of flying knives
    isn’t really that unreal

    to leap through the fire
    of a flaming hoop
    the warmth is kind’a nice

    jumping giant chasms
    on two-wheeled fury
    sure – let’s do it twice

    to be blown up
    in a speeding car
    sort’a turns me on

    falling 20-story
    from a skyscraper
    I’m up over and gone

    riding upside down
    on an airplane wing
    it’s the only way to fly

    the high trapeze
    without a net
    I wouldn’t bat an eye

    buried alive
    in a padlocked tomb
    count 10 and I’ll cheat death

    chained in steel
    tossed in the sea
    no need to hold my breath



    the sphere of fear
    the dome of doom
    the bungee-cord freefall

    to walk blazing coals
    swallow deadly swords
    no sweat — I’ve done them all

    almost nothing scares
    this bold daredevil
    I am very proud to say

    save the single thing
    of which I’m terrified

    to give my heart away



    ~ ~ ~

    rob kistner © 2010
    (revised © 2018)

    ____________________________________

  • top 2 photos: Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
  • bottom photo: source unknown

    • The Journey

     

    The Journey

    •

    beckoned to the final tide
    called forth by the ferryman
    spirit stirs to the distant voice
    that draws you to the journey

    caught still in this mortal realm
    soul resigned to embarkation
    time folding in upon
    as slow you approach the vessel

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    • linked at Magpie Tales

    ____________

    image by Mostafa Habibi

    Our True Work

    Something life’s experiences have taught me: seeing the world for what it is makes you smart, envisioning the world for what it can be – makes you wise…

     

    Our True Work

    •

    there are countless contradictions
    in the elements of the work we do
    and conflictions as we strive
    but bring these not to table

    for I am you
    and you are me
    and we are all together
    in this constant labor
    for our daily bread

    and this toil to sustain the body
    this does not feed the spirit
    this is not our true work

    to lift someone in need
    to measure well in tolerance
    to seek the components of peace
    to create enduring possibility

    this is the true work
    in the final sweep
    ‘round the face of time

    this is what the soul eats

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    • linked at Magpie Tales and OSI

    Two Moments

    These are two poems about two powerful and indelible life-moments I shared with my son Justin.

    The first “Night Sky” is about the courageous moment he chose, at age fourteen, to leave his mother’s home to move across our country, to live with me in Oregon — through the years of his high school and college graduations, and his early career. This was an incredible gift he gave me.

    The second, “Book of Days”, is about the moment, two days ago, when he and his wife Christine, moved from Oregon to pursue a career advancement — a deeply bittersweet moment for me.

     

    Night Sky

    •

    you arrived in spring
    asking why I’d left

    I had no good response
    but the other shoe had fallen
    with a deafening thud
    so what was I to do

    you looked startled by life
    and asked me about sorrow

    I had no good response
    so I took you in
    and watched as you untangled truth
    marveling at your balance

    for 19 years
    together we watched the night sky
    and wondered about love

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011


    Book of Days

    •

    in the book of days
    clearly it is written
    your time for moving on
    beyond the reach of yesterday

    in this book of days
    so too is it written
    clearly mine grow short
    my grasp loosens on tomorrow

    our miles apart grow greater
    our time together lessens
    as you pursue the future
    I slip further in the past

    and per the book of days
    this is the way of nature
    the son becomes the father
    the father bows away

    yet stands this father’s dream
    would that this space between
    but vanish with this pain
    of bittersweet farewell

    that the book somehow rewritten
    would bend both time and space
    and my days once more
    stretch full to your horizon

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    Wonder

     

    Wonder

    •

    to grow up
    is to chase off
    our innocence
    our naïve belief
    in the world as a beautiful place
    to harden against the magic
    of our childhood dreams

    but if by chance
    we can cling to just one
    perhaps we can hold on
    to our precious sense of wonder

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    • photo: “Alice in Wonderland” by Yuki Valentine

    Images – a ten year vigil

    …lest we ever forget

     

     

     

    Images


    •

    images

    unreal
    unfathomable images

    the graceful glide
    engulfed by the spire
    in a roar of golden orange

    horribly beautiful

    perversely mesmerizing

    obscene
    devastating images

    torrents of humanity
    raining down

    desperation their only escape

    masses of humanity
    racing
    to outrun the unbelievable

    praying
    to be delivered from the inconceivable

    traumatic images

    shrines of free commerce
    consumed
    by the unbearable weight
    of their fragile significance
    plummeting to earth
    in a cloud of self-destruction

    heartbreaking images

    screaming
    dazed
    terrified souls
    consumed
    by the unbearable weight of the moment

    staggering onward
    to outdistance the surging roll
    of all-engulfing
    pulverized aftermath

    courageous images

    battered
    determined
    tireless heroes

    those who were called
    who served unselfishly

    some
    who gave the ultimate service

    haunting images

    color
    gender
    ethnicity
    wiped away
    from the ashen-grey faces
    of the traumatized throngs

    now just masks of calamity

    all made equal
    by horror and grief

    one nation
    under siege
    inconsolable
    with tragedy and sorrow
    for all

    unforgettable images
    burned into our hearts

    • • •

    rob kistner © 9/11/09

     

    Bogged

     

    Bogged

    •

    that’s the thing about ruts
    the longer we remain bogged
    the harder it is to escape

    •

    stopping is no option

    to lose the way
    is to keep going
    keep moving forward

    lest one be rutted in uncertainty
    rigid with the rigor of fear
    bogged down in despair
    paralyzed

    stalled in hopelessness
    the giving in
    the giving up

    caught in anguish
    the rot that sets
    with the loss of wonder
    when grip lets go of dreams

    arthritic loss of faith
    debilitates the soul

    cripples the manifest light
    that shines forth
    at the leap into dark unknown
    into the sacred mystery

    frozen is the doubting man
    withered in a worried cage
    terrified of the wrong step
    of the journey all in
    of daring the way unmarked

    thus
    he bleeds out the color of life
    to become cold and grey

    a petrified husk
    of brittle remorse

    mired in regret
    for never having shone so brightly
    as to blind the eyes of death

    stopping is no option

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    • linked at Magpie Tales

    Boldy Go

     

    Boldly Go

    •

    the great wheel of time
    turns ever slow and steadily
    its ponderous mass unstoppable
    it presses onward mightily

    climbs the mortal mountain
    bearing the weight of history
    of ages and civilizations
    borne then razed by its immensity

    our lifetimes ride this wheel
    how far is but a mystery
    locked in fate ’round we go
    rolling bold toward hidden destiny

    frail temporal beings
    of a most amazing bravery
    we dream of a tomorrow
    for which there is no guarantee

    adrift toward a future
    of veiled and vague contingency
    still — we dare to love
    despite this vast uncertainty

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    • this poem linked at Writer’s Island and One Single Impression

    Sea Song

    • this poem linked at Writer’s Island and One Single Impression

     

    Sea Song

    •

    sad she comes
    everyday
    to these empty shores
    on wings of memory
    to serenade this sea

    a song of longing
    bowed on strings
    of a broken heart
    mournful for the one
    lost to these silent fathoms

    her tears
    steady as the mists
    relentless swept away
    by these cold
    indifferent waves

    only they
    know where her lover lies
    so everyday she comes
    taunted by these tides
    to seek their mystery

    and every night
    darkness falls
    chill upon this deep

    her forlorn refrain
    shatters in the moonlight
    the sea holding cruel tight
    to its precious secret

    • • •

    rob kistner © 2011

    _________________________

    TWO OTHER RECENT POEMS:


    “And So”


    “The Sync”

    Fret Not

    …written for Day #30, NaPoMo 2011…

     

    Fret Not

    •

    people are consumed
    by endings
    speak of their finality
    their permanence
    their absoluteness

    but I say no

    in this age of recycling
    repurposing
    sequels
    syndication
    spin-offs
    botox
    rogaine
    viagra
    endings are not absolute

    eventually inevitable
    but in that
    they are not so special
    not unique

    beginnings

    these are unique
    these are absolute
    they only happen once
    they are not inevitable
    not guaranteed

    they require a complex
    independent
    set of variables
    to come together
    perfectly timed
    properly executed

    and in that
    they are singular
    very very special

    so let us not fret
    nor dwell
    nor waste emotion upon
    something so commonplace
    as endings

    instead

    let us seek
    let us anticipate
    let us celebrate
    beginnings

    these amazing culminations
    of elusive possibilities

    they are so full
    of promise
    of potential
    of mystery

    so worth our wonder

    • • •

    rob kistner © 4/30/11

    Unfazed

    This poem was sparked by the incredible power of our earth, as exhibited most recently by the devastating tornadoes that swept through the American Southeast, and with deep reverence and sympathy for those who suffered as a result. I admire greatly your courage and will to live.

    …written for Day #29, NaPoMo 2011…


     

    Unfazed

    •

    we live
    by its grace
    at its mercy
    with delusions of mastery

    so close to extinction
    grappling awestruck
    day-in day-out détente
    survival in spite

    brute power
    incredible beauty
    this tolerant
    indifferent planet

    perhaps the imminence of peril
    embellishes our wonder
    ignites our superstitions
    kindles our will to live

    but our light will blink out
    this orb will evolve
    shine on
    unfazed

    • • •

    rob kistner © 4/29/11